How to Become a Chavette (Female Chav)
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Look Like a Chavette
Clothes:Invest in some skin tight leggings, most likely black ones. These are a 'must have' favourite - particularly among chubby Chavettes (usually young mums aged between 14 and 25). Remember in summer to get your toes out. Chavettes love to show their dirty, badly fake-tanned feet in their Primark £1.99 sandals.
Hair:Style it interestingly. Chavs wereonceknown to have long hair tied into a side ponytail or bun, but now, it has been updated. Be addicted to your hair straighteners. You can never be too Chav to straighten your hair. Dye your hair either bleached blonde, jet black (classic Chavette!) or that magenta colour that has since been made popular amongst Chavettes by well-known X Factor celebrities.
Makeup:Wear lots of liquid black eyeliner, liberally coated mascara (3-4 coats should do it) andreallyfake looking False Eyelashes. Foundation is a must and should be reapplied frequently throughout the day - a nice tangerine/orange complexion is a Chavette staple, as is a ridiculous fake-tan. Blusher isn't usually used (much too healthy looking) and neither is a coloured lipstick. Stick to a death-pale concealer on the lips or death-pale lipstick - even better make it a white shade. Apply liberally.
Jewellery:Look rich. Chav Etiquette calls on how one must look as rich as possible, even though this ironically makes them look really poor. Gold earrings from Argos were once a firm must, but now the "Cash for Gold" shops have spread around Great Britain like wildfire - so Chavs have resorted to selling off their Argos Gold jewellery (as well as Gold family heirloom jewellery - stolen from their grandmother's house and other pensioners) for a few quid, thus the Chav-style has evolved onto Primark Gold, Primark gold being fake - as with any highstreet jewellery. Highstreet Jewellery isn't 'Chav' - but wearing lots of it at the same time is. Layer it, wear as much jewellery as much as possible, and remember fake diamonds should be heavily embellished on belts, hats, and belt-buckles etc.
Get the Attitude
Chew chewing gum as much as possible.
Spit on the floor.
Swear in every sentence, especially the 'F' word.
Get to know the chavvy music e.g. Tinie Tempah or the majority of Ibiza mega-mixes.
Decide whether you are a Racist Chav or Chav trying to fake being of black descent.Both are prominent in the complex Chav Kingdom depending on where you live.
Listen to music really loud on your earphones in the street, on the bus, or in your souped up chav-car.If the latter - windows down, even if it's freezing cold.
Shout a lot in public.Intimidation is key to Chav-power.
Drink cans of Coke in the street (even better Stella) and eat a bar of chocolate or crisps for snack time if you're at school.Never bring packed lunches - starve yourself and smoke where possible.
Be addicted to your phone/facebook.One must keep on top of Estate gossip and politics.
Most chavs have a stark need to reproduce, and it is drilled into them from childhood that it is the only reason to live - how else can you make money without having a job.Be Benefit Savvy.
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- If you're rich - wear Ugg boots at parties; leopard print ones in particular. These are seen as Formal Attire amongst the breed. Don't ever say you bought them with your own benefit-money - just say you stole them from a stupid cow you smacked earlier, and laugh.
- To improve your chances of getting a Chav boyfriend, put out on the first date (preferably at the Bus Station) or at a party.
- Don't go round declaring that you're a Chav, they'll soon realize you're a fake and jump you.
- Try to get a Chav boyfriend, it will bode well for you if you do this. Remember, single Chavettes are seen as nothing but the local estate lesbian.
- Swear frequently.
- Random tattoos are a nice touch. Be sure to get these out in the summer.
- Be a fan of Jezza (Jeremy Kyle).
- Socialize at local Chav hot-spots: the job centre, sexual health clinic, bus stations (as already mentioned) and McDonalds.
Video: HOW TO BE A CHAV
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Date: 11.12.2018, 00:30 / Views: 65191