How to raise a child so that he does not need a psychotherapist in the future
The question of how to raise children properly is incredibly popular and relevant today. There are many methods, all of them are considered “progressive”, parents are anxious and do not know which way to look, and, as a rule, go to extremes. Some allow children to sit on their necks - this is how a small tyrant grows at home, able to give orders and orders to royal parents in three years. Others make every effort to fully load the baby: baby clubs, workouts, fairy tales in English. In either case, the parents have good intentions. They, poor fellows, are trying to fill the lack of love in their own childhood and are trying their best. Few people think that love turns a person into biomass into a person without internal supports and a rod.
If you look carefully, it can be assumed that no love for children exists in nature - there is affection.Parents love themselves in the child and cope with all their problems through him
See on the grounds of happy dads, whose guys run with a remote control from a huge car? These gifts men give themselves a little, not his own son. And hides, dressed in the sweetest pink dresses, with neat hair? So a woman cherishes her inner girl, completely ignoring that in front of her is not herself, but an individual who has and will develop her own view of things and beauty.
In order to really love a child without crippling his personality, first of all you need to love yourself. Abandon substitutions and dependencies in the form of other people and recognize that there is no continuation of us in children. We give birth to children, filling the voids, and then against our will we begin to love them to madness. We invest in them our vision of the world, our complexes, our unclosed gestalt, replacing our unique life.
Our children are separate people, do not transfer your projections onto them. Here you are playing with the child. Ask yourself a question, are you playing now and are you trying to convey something to him or amuse your self-esteem and ego? Are you thinking about him or your peace of mind? Any little things like "Do not go there, and then you fall"Yes, and all the other withdrawals - the first bells of the fact that you begin to invade its territory and live its life. Then you will learn everything for him at school, choose his classes for the soul, whisper some instructions. Admit it: you think you know what is good for him and what is bad for him. But if you really respect the child, you will warn him about something only in obvious situations that can lead to serious physical and mental injury.
Your child will definitely go to a psychotherapist if you are from the category of restless. Do you feel that you are endlessly worried about the baby sincerely? No. You care for your sick heart, or rather, just manage someone else's life instead of yours. Once upon a time, they lived and lived up to their “purpose” to become a mother. Familiar?
So how can you grow an independent person from the sweetest angel on earth? Respect and understand it in the first place. To observe, to give the right to develop without your tireless control, to learn to make decisions independently. And this skill is mastered only in practice, by trial and error.Not to lisp, but to call things by their proper names: words matter a lot, don’t confuse a child, calling something like that and not otherwise, “well-meaning” or because “he is still small”. Let the children say: even seeming banalities for a son or daughter are a whole world. And if you, the parent, turn away from this world or seek salvation in the telephone, then you will hardly establish a strong and adequate connection, the so-called secret support, important for the growth of the psyche and the personality as a whole. We can only educate and educate ourselves - all the rest, namely children, we are raising. It's even better to grow with them - that's exactly what every parent can do!
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