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Seven ways to make a scandal right

In a fit of anger, we can say such a thing, which we regret a thousand times. But the insults that have been put into operation are no longer worth the hurtful comparisons. And even if you are forgiven, the sediment will still remain. Annette Orlova, a psychologist and a candidate of sociological sciences, will tell Wday what mistakes women make when quarreling and how to learn to swear correctly.

Mistake number 1. Let go of past insults.

During a quarrel, when the niggles are exhausted, and we, as they say, have already suffered, everything is being used - including resentment from the past. We do not let them go, unlike men, but, on the contrary, we keep them, as if on purpose, and get them on the right occasion. “You don't think about me at all. Remember, you didn't meet me from the airport, and I was dragging a heavy suitcase to the 3rd floor? And where were you, by the way? Something you often have on duty at work ... "and so on. Memories and accumulated insults can be many.

What's wrong?

Grievances are like bricks in our chest. We tend to focus on negative information and to shoulder the entire emotional burden on our own shoulders, dragging all this burden long and hard. Her shoulders sag under her, but the movement continues.Then at every opportunity we get these same bricks and throw them into a partner. Remember that if once the topic has already been discussed, then you should not be fixed on it. You just need to close the book, turn the page and never come back to this conversation again.

What to do?

Do not forget that a man expects admiration from a woman! If the spouse accumulates past grievances, lowers the self-esteem of the husband, then this leads to a collapse in the relationship. Such a woman will be associated with a man only with imposed feelings of guilt, and this, in turn, is fraught with negative consequences.

How to make peace with a man
Photo: Getty Images

Mistake number 2. We make a man claims directly from the doorway.

You are tired: you were busy with the child all day, and you still managed to get out, cook and pay for utilities. Bad thoughts run like a snowball. You are just waiting for the beloved to step on the threshold to pour everything at once on him. “Why never called in a day? Really not a minute of free time? How long have we been going out to dinner together? And in general, maybe you will at least buy home products yourself? etc.".

What's wrong?

In family life, this is a fairly common situation. Usually this leads to the fact that the male brain reads this situation as a threat.Instead of relaxing and feeling safe in a cozy homely atmosphere, a person perceives any question as an attempt to assassinate his personal freedom and inviolability. That is, the question acts extremely negatively and is perceived as a demand and a benefit. And after a hard day's work, oh, I don’t want to do anything!

The most common question is: “Why did you never call me in a day? Really there was not a minute of free time? ”Remember: a person cannot be made to call us. If a man does not call, it means that he did not have such a need. On the one hand, it can really bother a woman. On the other hand, making claims to him is stupid. The next day, after a long lecture and moralizing, the man will ring by the hour, but remember that only because he no longer wants to face the evening negative. But do you want it?

What to do?

It is better to send your sweetheart a nice message with a pleasant text, for example: "You are my best" and expect your man on the threshold of a cozy nest in a lace peignoir ...

Mistake number 3.Praise another man, compare with him

You chose him, he is the best of all men. But it costs him at least a bit to be guilty, as we immediately put on the scales. “And your friend Vasya gives his wife flowers and does the dishes without reminders. And in general he, unlike you, is a gentleman - and the door will open, and he will give a coat. ”

What's wrong?

There is nothing more negative for relationships than the praise of other men and the comparison with Vasya from the seventh apartment or with Kolya from the neighboring department. You need to admire, but only your one and only spouse. Think about what the situation would lead to if the beloved man constantly compared you with his former passion, and this comparison would not be in your favor.

What to do?

Do not underestimate the dignity of your betrothed. No one can argue that such statements hit the patient, the center of the person and similar blows can only be sustained by a person who does not care, as he is clearly focused on his goals, or he whom we have already suppressed has driven under the plinth and taken away the faith in yourself. In any case ... A confident man will not tolerate a single minute of comparison! So do not get carried away! After all, no one better than him can whisper the gentle words in your ear. Is not it?

Mistake number 4. We point out the disadvantages

Each person has his own points, sore spots and, maybe, even complexes. And, perhaps, the most painful thing, when they are teasing and pointing at them. Especially if it makes a close person. “And in general you are fat. When will you take care of yourself? ”Or such:“ You are a loser, and I earn more than you ”.

What's wrong?

There are drawbacks to which you can close your eyes, and oh, how difficult it is to get along with some. So try to just lead your loved one to the fact that he wants to change without unnecessary insults on your part. Do not forget that in no case can one criticize a person. For example, if you tell a man three times that he is a loser, the representative of the stronger sex begins to believe in it.

What to do?

It is better to choose a softer form and say that its potential is not used 100% and there is an opportunity to receive more benefits from its labor costs. "It seems to me that you can do more!".

Remember that it is possible and necessary to talk about your feelings, but just not breaking into insults and negative.

How to make peace with a man
Photo: Getty Images

Mistake number 5. Quarrel loudly.

Orem, we beat the dishes and we can even wipe at your loved one.We want to be heard, so we start yelling even louder.

What's wrong?

The louder the cry, the greater the powerlessness and incomprehension. In this case, you need to think, maybe the partners really just work on the outgoing channel. That is, they can shout, speak, but do not know how to listen and hear. In any case, control yourself is necessary! Just say “Stop!” And slow down the scandal!

What to do?

Explain that you understand your interlocutor and suggest an alternative, together look at the situation from the other side. In order for the conflict to be settled, it is necessary to calm down and just stop the whipping of a fever!

Mistake number 6. We quarrel with the audience.

Children, relatives, friends. Even shoppers in a supermarket or visitors to a restaurant can be witnesses. You are just passionate about clarifying relationships. And they can only observe and not interfere.

What's wrong?

When two people quarrel, they can easily reconcile the next day and forget all past grievances, that is, today quarrel, and tomorrow morning to love each other even more. If we want to achieve inevitable consequences, it makes sense to quarrel in front of friends or relatives.Do not forget that when witnesses appear in the case, the situation becomes much more complex and voluminous.

What to do?

Try not to interfere with the personal affairs of the people around you. There is no worse thing than to witness an internal family quarrel. If you do not want to burden your loved ones and friends, do not lose relationships with them, then try not to quarrel with them, but to preserve peace and family harmony.

Mistake number 7. Let's try to holy

Since we decided to express everything, we also recall the “successful gifts” of the mother-in-law, her “tasty” food and her “wise” advice.

What's wrong?

There are certain taboo topics that should never be touched upon. Well, still “successful gifts” of the mother-in-law or her “tasty food”, a man can survive, although not always calmly. But if suddenly a woman decides to resort to super-generalizations like: “You don’t like me as a man”, “You’re practically impotent in bed”, “I’ve ditched you all my life”, then the worst will happen.

What to do?

Do not forget that holy themes should under no circumstances be raised and brought up for discussion! There is a kind of unspoken taboo, which prohibits the contact in the conversation of parents, children, the sexual sphere of men, diseases and nationality.

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